Starring alongside Daniel Radcliffe on Broadway has left veteran actor Richard Griffiths with a severe case of youth envy.
The portly 61-year-old complains that turning out onstage each night with the 19-year-old Harry Potter heartthrob makes him feel old and unattractive.
And trying to keep up with what interests a teenager leaves him feeling hopelessly out of touch.
He says, "I've no time for youth. It's a source of envy and despair. Daniel comes raving to me about the latest band he's been listening to and I have no idea what he's talking about. It just makes me feel so old. In fact, I shall have him beaten soundly before I go home. I mean he's young, handsome, successful...everything unbearable."
And, when he returns to Britain, Griffiths plans to lobby Prime Minister Gordon Brown for better rights for grumpy old men.
He jokes, "I think everyone over fifty, as part of the NHS, should be issued every week with a wet fish in a plastic bag by the Post Office so that whenever you see anyone young and happy you can hit them as hard as you can across the face. They'll say 'What was that for' and you'll say 'For being so young and handsome and successful."