Kendra Wilkinson can't bear to watch her reality show back in case it opens up ''scars'' of her husband's alleged infidelity.

The 29-year-old star is still trying to get over accusations that her former American football player husband Hank Baskett cheated on her with transsexual model Ava London, so much so it's too tough to watch the ''intense and dramatic'' third series of 'Kendra On Top', which features the pair rebuilding their relationship.

She said: ''I'm not ready to watch it yet. I don't want to open up the scars I've been trying so hard to close.

''It's very intense and dramatic and about Hank allegedly cheating on me. We never in a million years would have guessed this would happen to Kendra and Hank.

''We thought the whole show would be about the birth of my girl, but it ended up taking a turn.

''He's admitted what happened, but it's not what you think.''

Kendra - who has children Hank Jr., five, and 10-month-old Alijah with her husband - admits she was close to getting a ''very fast divorce'' but has her pal Jessica to thank for taking care of her after the allegations emerged, just five weeks after she gave birth to the couple's daughter.

When asked why she changed her mind about divorcing Hank, she added to new! magazine: ''My best friend Jessica. She stayed with me.

''She fed me when I hadn't eaten for a couple of days. She was the only person to remind me what kind of man Hank is. He's the greatest.

''If it wasn't for her, it would have been a very fast divorce.

''I'm dealing with the aftermath. Hank has told me what happened and I've forgiven him. I have my ring on, I love him and we'll stay married.''