Valentine

0
0
Subscribe to David Boreanaz alerts

Facts and Figures

Run time: 96 mins

In Theaters: Friday 2nd February 2001

Box Office USA: $19.8M

Distributed by: Warner Bros. Pictures

Production compaines: Warner Bros.

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1.5 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 8%
Fresh: 6 Rotten: 67

IMDB: 4.6 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director:

Producer:

Starring: Denise Richards as Paige Prescott, David Boreanaz as Adam Carr, Marley Shelton as Kate Davies, Jessica Capshaw as Dorothy Wheeler, Jessica Cauffiel as Lily Voight, Katherine Heigl as Shelley Fisher, Hedy Burress as Ruthie Walker, Fulvio Cecere as Detective Leon Vaughn, Daniel Cosgrove as Campbell Morris, Johnny Whitworth as Max Raimi, Woody Jeffreys as Brian, Adam Harrington as Jason Marquette, Claude Duhamel as Gary Taylor, Wyatt Page as Evan Wheeler, Benita Ha as Kim Wheeler, Paul Magel as Lance, Haig Sutherland as Bookish Guy, Adrian Holmes as Banker, Ty Olsson as Jock, Daniel Boileau as Shy Guy

Valentine Movie Review


Well, here's something that will make you wish you'd stayed home to watch Survivor instead of shelling out money at the movies. Hell, Valentine, another entry into the yearly, winter horror crapfest, even makes Temptation Island look good.

What we've got here is your standard grade horror flick in the vein of Scream and Urban Legend, revolving around a mysterious killer devising a supposed revenge plot -- a geeky kid who got a Carrie pulled on him in 6th grade. My how the tables have turned! The bunch of girls who refused to dance with him are now getting killed, 13 years later. Has this nobody returned from obscurity to exact his revenge for having punch poured on him?

We'll have one med school coed get pinched during a midnight autopsy. And of course she will hide in a body bag in a futile attempt to escape the man in the Cupid mask -- who's naturally doing his marauding on Valentine's Day. We'll see all manner of stabbings, shootings, beheadings, boilings, and whatnot -- until 90 minutes later the killer is unmasked.

The film presents us an oh-so-clever puzzler -- is it the 6th grader come back to haunt the girls? Is it one of their dates? Another man from the past? The cop? Or maybe it's the fisherman they ran over and left for dead on a winding road. The possibilities are as endless as they are random.

Valentine is headlined by actresses Denise Richards and Marley Shelton (who, with this and Sugar & Spice, appears to be on the Molly Ringwald road to career suicide), plus a gaggle of totally unknown supporting actresses whose only requirement for appearance appears to have been having very large breasts. (And despite this there's no nudity in the film at all!)

David Boreanaz joins the ladies in a truly pathetic role, stumbling through his lines like he has a hangover. No surprise: His character is a recovering alcoholic.

Prefaced by stern and multiple verbal warnings that Valentine is "very scary and very intense," sadly, we find the only very that applies to this film is very stupid. Simply, thrills are utterly lacking in the film. The murders are fully expected, unoriginal, and lacking in even the most basic sense of horror. And Cupid makes for a stalker about as frightening as Mary Poppins.

Maybe the only thing dumber than the film itself is the fact that it took four screenwriters to bicker over the writing credit. Now that's horror.

You're a mean one, Ms. Richards.


Contactmusic

0
0
Subscribe to David Boreanaz alerts

Comments

Valentine Rating

" Terrible "

Advertisement

More David Boreanaz

Entourage Trailer

After making a name for themselves in Hollywood, Vincent Chase and his entourage of friends from Queens have finally made a movie. The only problem...

Mark Ronson - Daffodils ft. Kevin Parker [Audio] Video

Mark Ronson will finally unveil his fourth album 'Uptown Special' on January 26th 2015 through his new label deal with Sony Music. He has teamed...

Meghan Trainor - Lips Are Movin [Live] Video

Meghan Trainor performs her latest single 'Lips Are Movin' at one of her favourite places in the world: an aquarium. The song features, alongside smash...

Bastille - Things We Lost In The Fire [Live] Video

Live on the Honda Stage at Music Midtown in Atlanta, Bastille perform 'Things We Lost In The Fire', the final single from their debut album...

Advertisement

Bastille - Oblivion [Live] Video

Bastille perform their single 'Oblivion' live on the Honda Stage at Music Midtown in Atlanta. The track followed Platinum hit 'Of The Night' and featured...

HAERTS - Interview Video

Brooklyn band Haerts released their self-titled debut album this year, and here they talk about how they first got into music, their lifelong friendship and...

HAERTS - Be The One [Live] Video

Haerts perform an intimate live rendition of their song 'Be The One', taken from their self-titled debut album released in October 2014 through Columbia Records....

ScHoolboy Q - Hell Of A Night Video

ScHoolboy Q released his first number one with third album 'Oxymoron', and he now unveils the video to its latest single 'Hell Of A Night'...

Advertisement